DISCLAIMER:

1. PEOPLE WITH BPD I HIGH FIVE YOU. BPD=/= asshole person disorder. BPD=/= catchall for abusive people. BPD = trauma response that can lead into destructive traits that can be related to the personality type. MOVING ON!!!!
2. I am not very aware about Japanese mythology or references the author could have used so forgive me for being stupid in any of this

When reading the manga, its very easy to read Utsuro as a mentally unstable girl. She is obsessive and impulsive to those around them, her 'puppy love' crushes leading to jealous rages, breakdowns and physical violence. She also seems to fall in love with people on a whim.

"All I did was give her my beat-up plastic umbrella on a rainy day", Mako commented to Alma once while describing her. The smallest sign of care was all Utsuro needed to get attached to someone but, once met with perceived abandonment, her view of Mako completely changed. And even as he apologized and promised to do better for her, It was too late.

While in an unstable state, she found an anchor through the witness of this ‘fight’ between her and her boyfriend, Alma. He disagreed with her boyfriend in the midst of trying to de-escalate and offered her a napkin to dry her tears. In her perspective, Alma understands. He is better than Mako, who stares at other girls and possibly has an option two on the side(again, in her PoV)

So now Alma must be the one.

Right?

1. Utsuro fits the diagnostic criteria, as shown by her behaviors

As per the DSM-5, BPD is characterized by "a pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) or the following:"

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in Criterion 5)
2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation
3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in Criterion 5)
5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour
6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g. intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness
8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g. frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

In my opinion, Utsuro at the very least fits 6 traits out of these 9. Namely fear of abandonment, unstable/changing relationships, stress-related paranoia, recurrent self mutilating/suicidal behavior, intense anger issues, and chronic feelings of emptiness.

She fears being left alone and goes on great lengths to avoid it, be it love bombing, self harm, control/interrogation or physical violence. She moves from one relationship to another easily, moving on as if the previous partner did not even exist. Utsuro also shows a great deal of paranoia and inability to control her emotions in relationships, as seen by her aggression towards Mako. Additionally, Utsuro’s traumatic past with suicide attempts, and current self harm struggles shows that she has been starved of a healthy life, causing her to chase after happiness and feels less than.

When it comes to identity disturbance, impulsivity, and affective instability due to reactive moods, I either can not pin point those traits directly or it would be me walking into a more fanon-than-headcanon territory: which, unstable self identity could be tied with her tying her identity to being reassured by a second party...but again, fanon!!

On top of that, her relationships also mirror the concept of a favorite-person attachment..

2. Utsuro experiences FP attachment

What is a favorite person?

A favorite person in someone a person with BPD has an attachment to - it is not a healthy attachment and is based on idealization. The reason for such an attachment existing is low self esteem. It creates a fantasy bond between the pwBPD(person with BPD) and FP, instead of a real one. 

In short, the person being loved is a fantasy. In some cases, a person w/BPD can navigate their feelings without putting the relationship at risk. In other cases, the real person behind the icon might not be seen or heard by the one attached to them. This can lead to a cycle of idealization, destructive behavior and splitting. All of this can, of course, ruin the relationship. 

Coming back to the plot as is, Utsuro moves from one person to another - that being Alma. She obsesses over him and glues herself to him, not stopping until he gives in. She immediately becomes Jealous of Tao, Yaya, and later Kanata, questioning their relation to Alma. She flat out states being in love with him while not even knowing basic facts about him, even his name - which, after learning it, she believes it to be fate that they have met. This is the idealization stage

Utsuro harasses Alma and apologizes via self-harming, which is the only way she has learned to get people's attention. This, in itself, is a form of manipulating people into staying. This, all in all, is a stage of destructiveness - be it aimed at the self or others.

Despite finding the date fun, Alma still wants to just stay friends - Utsuro only offers a death glare in response. Alma is not meeting her needs anymore. Alma does not love her anymore - and she does not want Yomi to have Alma, so the ~natural~ fix to that is to kill him, to keep him for herself. This, finally, is the splitting territory.

This, I believe, shows how Utsuro 'breaks up' with her partners and her logics behind it.

3. On breakups

There is probably no need to stress this, but Utsu is different from a human girl who might be going through struggles of BPD - turning into a half-maga trapped her in an unhealthy cycle, reinforced and supported by Yomi - which I will also touch on later.

It is seen that there are two ways she ends a relationship, both in death. Try to escape her - dead. Do the opposite - dead again. One would think that she would have a less violent reaction to getting what she wants. Once her favorite people finally meet her needs, such as Mako, however, she begins to feast on them. Why is that?

Firstly, if we take it literally, it is because of her hunger - she needs human blood. But why her partners? Why not someone else, instead of the person she cares about? Is it because of splitting? Following her natural reason of hunger for human blood, is it a reference to the praying mantis biting off the head of her male partner once satisfied? Is it her way of setting in stone that once dead, her partner will forever stay hers, or is it..boredom?

PRAYING MANTIS😱😱??

In a way Utsu functions as a praying mantis - the moment she is satisfied, she feeds on her partners. The hunger alongside her need for closure mix with each other - she needs the person to be all over her in under a week, and once they finally comply she rips their heads off - or, as seen in manga, just kills them.

ON BOREDOM

Does love without obstacles bore her?

Utsu does not see love as an easy thing - she finds it comforting and interesting to fight through it. Perhaps, once her partners become truly compliant, she becomes bored of the lack of obstacles - all in all, from what we have seen in her relationship, Utsu hurts for love. And if she doesn't, then its boring, or invalid, or or or... And of course, she is more likely to fall into her hunger when bored.

But if her partner does not bore her, When is it that she gives up? When met with multiple disagreements, Alma fights her. And yet, at the last interaction she has with Alma in chapter 20, she begs him to love her.

She practically begs him to not be a mirror of her past abusers as they fight, she screams that she loves him and wants to be loved back. and then, she gets the wakeup call.

1. WAKEUP CALL

In her desperate attempts to get someone to finally look at her and validate her, Utsuru fell into a nasty habit of only caring about herself and nobody else. For many people, they fall into this trap, most of the times not even realizing it - in many cases, it is not malicious in nature, just a fucked trauma response.

When dealing with untreated mental illness, be it by medical means or solo, people with mental illnesses, personality disorders included, can fall into destructive behaviors. This moment is a wake-up call - it highlights the idea that people with untreated BPD may not fully recognize the extent of their destructive patterns, or if they do, they might not even want to face them out of avoidance, fear, shame, etc.. This confrontation, however, is crucial for growth. The same goes for Utsuro and her possible development in future chapters.

Yomi and Alma are the people we see Utsu interact with most, one showering her with promises of happiness and family, yet not truly caring for her, the other - the complete opposite. He is a bit of an ass to her for multiple reasons, but does care for her wellbeing.

However, due to her history, Utsu can not understand that she is being manipulated and encouraged into retraumatizing herself while she slowly turns from a person looking for love into an obsessive abuser that claws onto people around them.

Also, this little rant has been drafted a month ago, so of course I am SO EXCITED to actually see it put into words - and visuals - in chapter 21!

Just by the look in her eyes you can tell that she is surprised to be confronted with the elephant in the room, and maybe, this directness from Alma could break her out of avoiding to even think about it.... PLEEASE?

4. How to break the cycle?

Ok so, Utsuro fits the description of BPD. She is a good example of what happens when vulnerable people are taken advantage of and their untreated mental wounds causing them to become destructive. What does this say about her future, though?

Personality disorders can not go away, they are not something you manage to turn off, either, but many learn to live with them. For people with BPD, this treatment consists of talk therapy that can lead people to learn self-management skills, and medicine - there isn't a specific one licensed to treat BPD, but there are many that can help deal with related conditions of depression and anxiety disorder, which can go hand in hand with BPD. And of course, community, and stable relationships.

For FPs, communication and intention to stay within stable perception of the self and others is important. For a person w/BPD, it is important to have a partner/friend that understands the struggles that come with it and is willing to work through things such as perceived rejection. This leads into the person w/BPD being able to see things through a realistic lens and internalize this PoV.

Utsuro, however, had (almost) none of those things offered to her, or felt like they were out of reach. We can't know if she reached out for psychiatric help, but it can be assumed that the stigma she met from those around her was enough to reject the idea.  What she has, however, is a potential friend ready to help her - Alma. She has a chance to break free of Yomis grasp and start anew. Whether or not she takes the offer is for us to see in future chapters.

All in all, I kind of want to add another thing - Utsu has her flaws, fatal ones even, but she is not heartless. She is a traumatized girl, revived, put into the state of a forever blood-thirsty maga, and tasked with killing a young boy - none of those are things she asked for or ever dreamed of, and she still does not realize the hell she was put into.

Utsuro’s story is a stark reminder of how untreated trauma and mental health issues can lead to tragic consequences, not just for the individual but for those around them. Her future development may hinge on whether she can break the cycle of obsession and violence or whether she remains trapped in her destructive patterns.

ok i rambled the fuck out thanks